Why the Wild and Wonder Whites of West Virginia is the greatest documentary of all time
-G.S. Azara
So you may be asking, "Are you crazy?"There are so many better documentaries: Bowling for Columbine, An Inconvenient Truth, or The UP Series. But, can any of these documentaries provide me with the sound of the West Virginian mating call? Or allow you to watch an old(ish) man do a jig on a picnic table while Hank Williams III sings "Straight to Hell" beside him? Or be an innocent bystander while all the children and some of the grandchildren toke up right in front of Grandma? And have any of the previous films provided me with a plethora of one liners? I think not.
The following are the top five reasons that I recommend The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia as a hilarious and enlightening night of entertainment:
1. Jesco White:
Jesco is the reason why the documentary was made in the first place. Jesco had already made a name for himself when a previous film "Dancing Outlaw" focused on his rebellious nature and his love of dance (and a mighty fine dancer at that) while almost always being intoxicated. In WWWWV, he is not the focus, but they do spend a good amount of time with him. And am I glad they do! Not only does he dance next to the local railroad tracks, but he takes his time to stroll down memory lane and takes the audience on a tour of every place in town that he committed a crime. And how can you not love a man that has a tattoo on each shoulder? Each side representing the two personalities that you might encounter; of course, Elvis is his nice, angelic side while Charles Manson is his devilish side. Let me repeat that. Elvis and Charles Manson tattoos.
2. Fuck Dennis:
Who is Dennis? It doesn't really matter WHO Dennis is. Just that he was. Multiple stories in the life of Susan "Kirk" White involve Dennis, although damn it if we never see him. Kirk hates him so much that she attempted to kill him. Even her son, Tylor, screams "I hate Dennis. Dennis is this!" while holding up his middle finger. In fact, she hates him so much that she gets pregnant with his child. Kirk White obviously has a soft spot for Dennis (hence the giving birth to his baby, and this serves for a large portion of this film. While basking in the glow of bringing life into the world, Kirk declares that she wants the best for her baby girl and that she hopes her child can grow up to be a better woman than she turned out to be. And in that moment, you think that maybe, just maybe, Kirk has turned over a new leaf. But the moment is cut short by the snorting of crushed up pills on her hospital bedside table with her best buddy and I'm guessing birthing partner. This, thank the good Lord, does not go unnoticed by the staff of the hospital, and as a result, Kirk leaves the hospital without her new bundle of Joy. While Sue Bob White drives her home, she sobs about how they took her baby which gives birth to one of the classic one liners of the film. After picking Kirk up from the hospital, Sue Bob takes the two of them through a Taco Bell drive-thru and screams at some “friends” that are dining at the fine establishment (inside the restaurant mind you),"They took her baby!" while pointing at Kirk. Yes, some may see it as a harrowing moment of a mother who has lost the right to her child due to substance abuse, but I see it as one of the best lines to scream at G.S.D.
3. Mousie:
Mousie White is only seen halfway through the film, but BOY does she make an entrance! We first meet her as she is finally being released from jail, and what’s the first thing you do when you get released from prison? Get some ass. But not any ass will suffice. Only your no good cheating ex will do. It doesn't matter that he is now living with his very pregnant girlfriend. All you gotta do is stalk him. Picking a nephew on her way (because there seems to be a White family member on every corner) Mousie kidnaps Charles (the aforementioned POS ex husband) and brings him to the store where they got married in, and then proclaims that she is, “gettin' dick tonight". And by God if that's not exactly what happens.
4. “The Prettiest Sister”
For the course of the film, Sue Bob is dealing with her son's sentencing after a police standoff, but that doesn’t derail her from showing off the moves she learned in her tenure as a teenage stripper (moves she displays at Kirk's last hurrah before Rehab). Sister Mamie states that Sue Bob has always been the "prettiest sister", but it's only in hearing Sue Bob proclaim it herself, in her heavenly deep, whiskey voice that she has "always been the sexiest of the family" that you start to believe it. Sue Bob goes on to claim that she's been told by "thousands of people" while you see her in her Sunday Finest that she is indeed the prettiest of the sisters. Clearly, Angelina Jolie ain't got nothin' on Sue Bob White.
5. Bertie and Mamie
Bertie White is the matriarch of the White Family. She seems like a nice enough old hillbilly. She obviously loves herself some Jesus (if her home décor truly reflects her beliefs) as well as creepy collectible dolls. Mamie is Bertie's oldest daughter, and she is as wild as the rest of the clan and can bust loose with the best of 'em. Probably the most touching moment of the film happens while Bertie is dying in the hospital and Mamie admits, "I'm hurtin'. Really, in my heart, I am hurtin'. I'm losin' my mom, and that's all the fuck I got." . When Bertie does finally pass in the film, we know that Mamie is poised to take on the role of the new Matriarch as is fitting because she is still "the biggest and the meanest and the baddest of all the White family".
There are many great moments in this film. Quotable lines. Slicked back high ponies, held in a good ole scrunchy. Plenty of the three D's (drinking, drugging, and dancing). Police and news footage of White family sanity. And to the audience’s surprise, a venture to Minnesota where we meet a White brother that got out of town and cleaned up his life. Obviously, my opinion is not based on quality but for the sheer entertainment value. But that's really the only reason to watch this. This may be one of the few documentaries you can repeat view. G.S.D and I are from the hills. Daisy more so than I (I am more hillbilly due to the fact that one half is from the hills) so when viewing The Wild and Wonderful Whites, you feel a hillbilly kinship. After that feeling goes away (it only takes a half minute), you are so thankful to know that you are not actually kin. The impression you're left with after watching this film is the same after watching Alice in Wonderland. It was fun to visit, but I'm glad I'm home.
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